(This article was originally published in On Dit Issue 80.7)

So it just hit me that perhaps part of the reason why some students are still struggling to get laid, despite all my previous advice, is that they are studying a degree that is non-conducive to romance. To combat this, I decided to compile a basic guide that will let everyone know which courses have the most favourable conditions for lovemaking, and which courses don’t. This should allow my fellow students to alter their second semester enrolment accordingly and hopefully get lucky! (Note: If you have any problems trying to change your course enrolment just show this article to your student councillor and they will understand). So here we go:

• Economics/Finance: This is what I study. I won’t lie, it’s Bitty City.
• Commerce: There’s some spill over from the perpetual orgy of Economics, so these guys do alright.
• Maths: When x^2-10x+y^2-20y=-125, then x+y-15 = how much sex they get… (Translation for normal people: Zero. They get zero sex.)
• Biology: Biology students will never get laid. Ever. Unless they do…
• Marine Biology: In which case they will never not get laid!
• Music: These kids definitely know what they’re doing.
• Music – Jazz: These kids DEFINITELY know what they’re doing.
• Music – Jazz – Slap Bass: This guy is the chosen one.
• Nursing: I know a few girls studying nursing and they all solemnly swear that not even a single lecture has ever turned into a girl-on-girl sexy pillow fight. Hah, what a bunch of saucy liars! A special mention should also be given to the handful of male nurses that took the initial plunge and are now reaping the rewards. Lucky bastards.
• History: It’s like walking through a desert with no water and the only food you have are those plain SAO biscuits.
• Agriculture: They might get a decent amount of hot farm loving, but in the end they’ll never find anyone who can measure up to their own hot cousin.
• Engineering: Dudes. Everywhere. As far as the eye can see. Not much action happening here unless you count THERMODYNAMICS and MECHATRONICS… which I, personally, don’t.
• Animal Science: Depends on your criteria.
• English: There’s a lot of opportunity for lovemaking here but the downside is that it’s mainly with English students.
• Geology: The single worst course to be enrolled in when trying to pick up. FACT: No geology student has ever fornicated. FACT: Rocks and minerals are the most un-erotic topics of conversation going around. That’s why you never see porn set in a Geology lab. If you are studying Geology CHANGE NOW!!
• Horticulture: An often overlooked goldmine. They’re all hippies!! Free love!!
• Medicine: High risk/high reward. I don’t recommend this degree because of all the work you need to do just to stay in the course, which means no spare time to pick up babes and no cash to spend on babes. But if you stick with it you just might just land the biggest sauce-weasel of them all.

Hope that helps!