The moral of this story is that girls love beef jerky. I have known this for some time and have taken full advantage of it but thought I would share the secret with everyone as a sort of public service announcement. Jerky also claims a spot in my food hall of fame because putting dog treats in jerky packaging is the easiest way to trick a friend into eating dog food. Try it yourself (unless you are one of my friends).

Peace out!

This comic is another one that falls into the category of having been sent to me over six months prior to me putting it up on the website. The reason for this is that I suck at things. Oh well. This comic was written by a man, nay a legend: Daniel Bowen. You might remember Daniel’s last comic Sweet Future which followed his running theme of corporate greed. I love it when artist’s tackle the big issues. Following the last comic I also explained that I only refer to Daniel Bowen as “Bowen” because it takes me back to my favourite film of all time: Dragon Heart.

In his new comic Bowen has shown more of the metaphorical illustrating style that won him the admiration of the fans last time. For example, note how the double Windsor knots of the board members seem to grow with their inflated menace. See how the final panel is isolated from the other four showing Wild Horse’s isolation from the rest of the board. Examine how the last box has no bottom, showing how although the comic has finished the story never will. Bowen is genius.

This comic is actually being sent on the eve of the closure of another chapter in my life. This chapter I will call “decadence”. About a year and a half ago my brother decided to live in Japan. This was fantastic for me because he had to leave heaps of his clothes, his car, his room and all the worldly possessions that he couldn’t fit in a suitcase in Australia. Simply put, they were mine. Now that he is about to return I am going to have to learn how to live without wearing his suits to bars, cruising in his lancer, or spreading out over two rooms. He has unfortunately already seen a photo of me in one of his suits and sent me a message to inform me I’m going to be “buried in that suit”. Should be a good reunion.

Anyway, peace out!!

If you would like to submit a comic of your own, send it to:
Wild Horse’s Inbox!

This comic is dedicated to my cousin and former guest artist Jake who celebrated his birthday on the weekend. I don’t know if Jake likes QI but I assume he does since it’s a great show. I actually attended Jake’s party on the weekend and was fortunate enough to see Jake perform some songs with his band. The night ended with Jake in the fetal position on the floor while a group of people tried to put a guitar in his arms so he could play one more song. It was fantastic.

Peace out!!

Cumin is a flowering plant in the family Apiaceae, native from the east Mediterranean to India. Its seeds are used in the cuisines of many different cultures, in both whole and ground form.

In other news I give my “Best Pun of the Week” award to Quicksales.com.au for their use of Pat Cash in their ad with the catch phrase “life’s easier with a little extra cash around”. Top shelf.

Oh Greg you magnificent bastard. Your words flowed across the page like a water-coloured landscape across canvas. Or a landscape across the horizon. Or my various array of horizon metaphors across this page.

I don’t have much time to chat. I’m getting ready for the Wild Horse Weekend. People commonly believe the public holiday is to do with Easter, but not so. It’s all about the horse. To commemorate the occasion my good pal Dave Keen drew me some art. It’s pretty much incredibly awesome.

2 masterpieces in one week. Good times.

Happy Wild Horse Weekend everyone!

If you would like to submit a comic of your own, send it to:
Wild Horse’s Inbox!

This comic was written about my friend Josh who is the best Spade spotter on the planet. I have seen Josh correctly identify David Spade in over 140 Just Shoot Me episodes. I have notified Guiness about this achievement and am awaiting confirmation but I think it’s pretty safe to say Josh is a world record holder. Incidentally, I have started working with Josh and have a 100% record of screwing up his lunch order.

Anyway, see if you can beat Josh. How many David Spade’s can you find in the following picture? Josh found 8.

Peace out!

This is one way to deal with those pesky vegetarians: eat all the vegetarian food.

But be warned, you may find yourself having to struggle through mountains and mountains of lentils, tofu and couscous. Push through! It’s going to hurt them a lot more than it hurts you. The look on a vegetarians face when they discover that the only things left to eat on the table are undercooked steaks and non-descript sausages is priceless. My only concern is that eating too much tofu might somehow turn you into a vegetarian in the same way that eating a zombie turns you into a zombie or something (I don’t really care for zombie movies. Hollywood stop making zombie movies), but so far my hypothesis is still unproven.

The thing I find most funny about vegetarians is that they are all obsessed with food. The fact that they are so restricted in their choices means that they always have to have a back-up plan or lunch-box full of almonds otherwise there is a very real possibility that they will starve. Also, they all know how to cook because they have to cook their meals special from everyone else. I think this would be the biggest stumbling block for me if I was to renounce meat. My omnivore capabilities give me the option of walking into any given house at dinner time and eating whatever they’re eating. As long as it’s not a vegetarian meal. Yuk.

This is the first of many food related comics. And by many I mean 2. And the next one is more about condiments than food. And it’s more about cold-blooded revenge than condiments. Keep an eye out for it.

Peace out!

Yo! We are back! Allow me to announce my triumphant return to comics! Well, actually this a guest comic but I think the signs are all positive. I’ve started a new writing technique whereby I get all my friends to stand around my desk and continuously shout objects/places/concepts/words at me while I write a comic. I call it the “circle of power”. It sucks.

What doesn’t suck, however, is this week’s guest comic which was written by my uncle Damo on his Wild Horse maiden comic voyage. You may notice some of Damo’s trademarks scattered throughout the comic: red texta (“the fastest of all the textas” – Damo), floating heads without their bodies drawn, and illegible writing. It’s all very deep and meta. To help the layman I added in a translation. But feel free to just look at the pictures if you want. Pictures are awesome.

Controversially I have included a deleted scene tacked onto the end of the comic like some sort of DVD bonus feature. The comic was originally drawn and completed in 5 boxes, but Damo later decided to throw a curveball and added a seemingly unrelated and off-track epilogue to his masterpiece. Naturally this confused and enraged onlookers in no small way and became the subject of heated discussion throughout the remaining night/early morning. “Surely that shouldn’t be there?” they pondered. “IT MAKES NO SENSE!” someone declared. “LETS GO WAKE UP DAMO AND MAKE HIM EXPLAIN HIMSELF!!”, by this time Damo had long since gone to sleep and the only people still up were running on increasingly cheap wine.

Finally, someone (identity withheld) decided to take charge and, using the angriest HB pencil I had ever seen, drew a huge cross through the final panel. The person then dropped their tool, fell to the floor and wept. Later we played table tennis.

But let’s talk about Damo. Damo is the kindest most generous man in the world, he brings you gifts, tells you about cool books to read and tells you how happy he is to be your godfather. But unfortunately you need to be his godson for him to do that, and I’m not that. My brother is. So from my perspective: Damo is a cruel man who gives your brother cool gifts to make you jealous, tells your brother about cool books to read and comments how much he prefers being your brothers godfather than yours.

Luckily, Damo made up for all that with 5 simple words: “What are your three favourite nuts?”. What a question! At first you don’t even know where to look for the answer! Almonds? Are they too boring? Pistachios? Too annoying to open? Cashews? But are they top 3 material?! Then someone says “brazil nut” and everything changes. You start remembering nuts you’d long forgotten. You start questioning what sort of person you’ve become. This is a question that defines you and can’t be answered lightly.

I would give you the Wild Horse top 3 nuts but I don’t want to be controversial. Oh wait, yes I do. So here you go:

1) The humble peanut. You read that correctly. You can argue all you want but first show me another nut that makes butter. (Just did a quick google search and apparently there’s “almond butter” but you just know it sucks). Also the fact that you get two peanuts from each peanut shell is both rewarding for your effort and romantic. Next valentines day get your lover a bucket of peanuts and eat them together. Best case you’ll impress a girl/boy, worst case you’ll eat a lot of peanuts. Win win.

2) Walnut. Oooh you’d forgotten about these bad boys. Let me get the bad stuff out of the way first: Firstly, an off season walnut is awful. I once at a walnut with creepy crawlies all over it but in hindsight that might not have had anything to do with the season. Secondly, they are a bitch to open. It’s like they don’t want to be eaten or something. But here’s the thing: anything with a shell that hard is obviously guarding something delicious. And yeah. It’s delicious. And it’s a big nut too which I find very endearing. Not to harp on the romantic side of nuts again but when a girl sees you pull out your nutcracker/gun and get to work on a walnut, no amount of walnut shell in the world could keep her from you.

3) Coconut. Solely for the reason that if you drop a coconut in a nut conversation you instantly become the cleverest person in the room. In terms of the taste, I find it underwhelming without rum and pineapple juice.

Special thanks to my guest artist Damo for the awesome comic. Race card! Genius!

More updates will resume soon like they did back in the good old days.

Peace out!!

If you would like to submit a comic of your own, send it to:
Wild Horse’s Inbox!

This comic was based on a true story… in the sense that I once told some people I made love to three Swedish twins. This comic is also my ode to Australia Day. If you’re an international visitor and don’t know about Australia Day, basically what you do is you sit outside in the sun with all your friends drinking the worst Australian beer you can find (usually VBs) and making up ludicrous stories about times you got with girls in unusual places. At the end of the day you have a competition to see who got the most sunburnt and the winner gets a lobster.

I drew this comic last night and then slept on it. I had a dream that I was a Norwegian dude living in Norway with my beautiful Norwegian wife eating Norwegian meatballs and drinking Norwegian cider. I then called up my favourite Australian friend and invited him to come see us in Norway. The Australian dude scoffed at me and said “I ain’t going to Norway you stupid Norwegian idiot, I’m going to Sweden where all the babes are!”. I tried to explain to my Australian friend that Norway and Sweden are next door from each other and there is no real reason why Swedish and Norwegian women should look any different but my Australian friend wouldn’t listen.

I woke up in a cold sweat. Had I overlooked Norway all this time when essentially it’s just the same country as Sweden where, as everyone knows, all the babes live? I immediately hopped on the internet and joined a Norwegian chat room where I posed the question “Do heaps of babes live there?”. My suspicions were confirmed almost immediately: “Ya, we have thousands of very attractive women here” and “This one time I had pleasurable intercourse with a female”. I knew it! What’s more, since nobody besides me has ever heard of Norway it’s probably an untapped market for Australian tourists to go to.

In other news I found out Wild Horse is very “deep” and “metaphorical” when former guest artist Josh sent me this:

I think Virginia was a bangin chick.

Peace out!!

Man certainly was a disgrace that night!

Also, here’s a funny horse-related picture I was sent by Matt recently:

Peace out!