So I was in Europe for the last 6 weeks gathering material for my upcoming book: ‘Europe and The Art of Eating 2 Kebabs a Day’. Europe is a fun country. My favourite city was Holland. There is a great suburb there called ‘Amsterdam’. I learned a lot about culture and stuff there. I would tell heaps of stories but I have a policy that goes: “Anyone who talks extensively about overseas travels is a wanker.”

After my last comic entitled What Girls Like I received many requests from people wanting to know more about how to find love in this lonesome world. Given that it is my area of expertise, I figured I would oblige with this comic about the nature of modern dating. The key point is that you need to give the appearance that you don’t give a shit about the other person. You want to treat the object of your desire like a scotch finger biscuit: you could take it or leave it. Naturally the other person wants to show you they care even less about you than you do about them, so you both end up in a war of trying to express how insignificant the other person is in your lives. This goes back and forth like a game of tennis where the objective is to drop the racket and play cricket instead.

Unfortunately, as a consequence of this, the relationship usually dies unless one person gets drunk and texts “baby I miss you so bad it hurts” one night. While this does rekindle the romance, that person is now the ‘loser’ of the relationship and has to do the ironing and cook lasagne and stuff.

Peace out!