This comic is a double-banger, a two-pronger, a dual-plunger. It examines two very hard-hitting themes: what do you do when you lose track of a spider, and why old stuff is so bad.

Everyone thinks I’m a massive sissy when I say that spiders are conspiring to kill me but it’s definitely true. Do you know what it’s like to hop in the car, laugh at all the spider webs on the outside of your car… but then realise there are spider webs on the INSIDE too? That means there is definitely a spider in your car and he is definitely going to crawl up your leg at some point and you are definitely going to drive into a tree as a result. But yeah, the worst is when you lose track of a spider on a wall for just second and it disappears. How do spiders get inside your house in the first place? My theory is that the dudes who can handle spiders actually plant the spiders in the house so they can get a few minutes of fame showing everyone how macho they are. This practice has been going on since the dawn of houses.

As for the issue of why old stuff is so bad, I truly don’t know. I once tried to walk behind an old TV and I walked into it because apparently TV’s used to be designed like massive cubes. I tried to hot-sync an old personal-organiser and the book didn’t even have bluetooth. I also tried to race a Maserati in my 1990 Mitsubishi Galant and I lost by a significant margin! Old stuff sucks. I don’t know why antiques shops still exist. And the arrogance that they actually charge you more than for brand new Swedish furniture? Outrageous! The word “vintage” should also be stripped from retail stores and replaced with “unfashionable”, and the word “old-school” should be changed to “old”, and the word “retro” to “inferior”. And people who still use polaroid cameras… my god, look at yourselves.

Peace out!