I hate all these new-agey gourmet food trends but, as the name of this comic might suggest, the one I hate the most tapas. Whenever I get forced into a tapas situation I always feel like Agent Mulder in that episode of the X-files where he’s the only one that can see the truth and everyone else thinks he’s crazy but he’s not! They are charging the price of an entree for dishes that are waaay smaller than entrees!

Basically, if you have a large appetite you are going to go away either hungry, poor, or on very bad terms with your friends after you stole all their food. And some of the dishes suck! Putting goat cheese in a capsicum is not a dish. Serving sautéed asparagus is not a dish. And there’s always that obligatory olive dish. That’s just olives. Seriously?

The biggest argument tapas apologists put forward is “Ooohhhh but you look like you’re enjoying it”. Of course I’m enjoying it. Most of the time it’s delicious. But given that you only get, like, one or two bites off each dish, it’s usually about $3 a bite. It’s a massive scam. Spanish people definitely don’t eat like this!

Even the word tapas pisses me off. And tapas bars? That’s a place where their whole theme is centred around the fact that they serve food in smaller serving sizes than regular places. If you want to eat Spanish, hoe into a big paella!

In other news I’m apparently being hunted down by and angry group of geology students after I wrote an article in my uni magazine On Dit (page 39) in which I may have said “FACT: No geology student has ever fornicated.” In my defence it’s completely true. Anyway, they’ve apparently been questioning people and sending out messages out to large chunks of the student body trying to figure out who I am. I’m fairly sure some of my friends are definitely gonna try and sell me out. But hopefully I can stay safe if I just keep away from uni, which I’m more than happy to do.

Peace out!